Monthly Archives: September 2013

Bruce

Don’t worry! You will always have everything you need

 

batman long

Don’t worry! You will always have everything you need.

Once again we foray into the realm of the absurd. When did we start using exclamation points in fortune cookies? I think it’s reckless to use grammar with such careless whimsy like that.
On to the fortune part of the show. I can prove this fortune wrong with two words. The parachute. Done. At some point in history (the dates are a little fuzzy) someone thought it would be a great idea to be prepared in the event you were falling out of the sky. So this person (we’ll call him George) took the time to be prepared and strapped a chute to his back. So BECAUSE George worried, he indeed had everything he needed. And George didn’t even have to use an exclamation point.
Let’s look at it from another angle. Let’s go back and visit Timmy from my last post. Timmy and his dad have finally arrived at Disney world and Timmy is giddy with excitement. He knows he’s about to have the time of his life. He’s sure he’ll be recounting his adventures while he’s at the playground for years to come. As he walks up to the park gates with his dad, Timmy is bouncing up and down, eager to get in and scream his lungs out on roller coasters, get some character autographs and shove as much junk food as he can down his gullet.
“I forgot the tickets”. Those four words uttered by his father just plunged Timmy into a lifetime of therapy. But wait, wasn’t Timmy’s dad supposed to not worry! And have everything he needs? Of course not! Now, because of the stress of his hopefully traveling and not worrying father, Timmy is going to have a mid life crisis at age 8! This means that Timmy will go out and buy an overly expensive Italian big wheel and all the other kids on the block will think he’s trying to overcompensate for something, although they have no idea what yet. Then Timmy will scandalously run off with a much younger woman, probably age 6, and be the talk of the town at recess and at milk breaks. So for Timmy’s sake, worry and be prepared. And above all, when it comes to big wheels, buy American.

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David

“Life is not a struggle. It’s a wiggle.”

ImageIt’s a pretty bad day when a slip of paper that comes out of a delectably crunchy treat triggers my argumentative side before I even finish the cookie, but here’s one that sparked a heated debate at my dinner table, which means there’s no right or wrong way to read this.  After years of research into the various types of “hustle,” it seems like the universal truth is that life is and forever will be a struggle.  Granted, if you took an idealistic approach, thinking of your “struggles” as less-extreme “wiggles,” then the upcoming conclusions that I draw will have very little relevance to you.  However, if you are a realist and like to “kick the tires” on life (so to speak),  then you’ll appreciate what this fortune means to me.

Life has a tendency to place you in situational grey areas.  There’s no clear solution that is blatantly hitting you over the head, like “I’m the right one, idiot.”  Of course, there are the clear cut boundaries of right and wrong, but for a world full of color, reality seems to generally operate in shades of grey.  The challenges you face on a daily basis can be daunting, but when you hear the word “struggle,” the inherent level of difficulty seems to be all the more impossible.  It’s over before it even begins, but when you change your attitude, even the most impossible task seems manageable.  I don’t think it’s fair to say that life as a whole is as lackadaisical as “wiggle” implies, but when there’s things that need to be done and achievements that need to be completed, remember these random, yet applicable, facts.  Rome wasn’t built in a day.  Everything is in some way possible, and the best way to go through life is by dancing through it.  That’s right, ladies.  Wiggling is absolutely recommended.  But again, life is anything but a “wiggle.”

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